How I feel... Defined by Lyrics Vol. 5, No. 1

Happy belated New Year!

The one that passed was a good one for me in terms of people I met, dealing with the family and finally moving out into my own spot... The joys of falling up!

"dream bout that crib with the Goodyear swing
on the oak tree, I hope we feel like this forever
Forever, forever, ever, forever, ever?" - Outkast

But this year starts on a bad note as my father came up to me and told me 2 days ago that after getting an x-ray, his doctor stated it might be a tumor...

"you play whatever cards he deal no matter how peculiar
they tell me that its God's will, I'm asking God 'will ya?'" - J. Cole

I froze... Now it's not confirmed yet, but let's just say I spent 2 days seriously out of it... Not mentioning it to anybody else, keeping this pain and fear inside. I tried my best to replace it with prayers and hope, but it's hard. I always think too much... seeing different scenarios in my mind, visualizing my reactions, the outcomes, re-evaluating life in general.

"I say my prayers cause this life ain't fair" - J. Cole

We won't get news until Tuesday when my father has to go for an MRI to confirm whether or not it is a fact a tumor.

"yea, lets see God
I know you only do whats best for me
but is it cool if we negotiate my destiny" - Omen

I'm trying to stay focused until then this is how I feel :



5 days to go...

How I feel... Defined by Lyrics Vol. 3, No. 7

"And foreva be in debt, that's neva a good thing" - Jay-Z

BIG FAT ZERO!

Holla at ya boy! After 5 years of strugglin', crumblin' under debt (35K$ not counting interest payed throughout the years) imposed on me by these leeches, bitches & so-called family members, drowning in the depth of my darkest thoughts, I am now OFFICIALLY DEBT-FREE.

"I was a dick who got jerked by Tom and his boys
came on my land, seized my cattle, and catalog
as if it wouldn't leave me less than coy
but I'm far from bitter even farther from quittin'
got a grind date to make, no time for sittin'" - De La Soul

Made the last payments today and now this brotha got big zeros on his credit card and credit margin!

"When I woke up, my debt went down
My locks broke up, my rent went down
My stocks went up, my car sped up
My pockets swell up, my life I found
I'm not so fed up it's time to get up
A clear mind switched my life around
Now I can see where the help is at
The health love awareness and wealth is at
Cause I woke up..." - KRS-One

I learned my lesson, no more shall I fall for the "my credit was so pathetic I couldn't afford a debit" lines from anybody. It's all about me now and forever more.

"Give us this day, our daily bread
As we give up our debts
As we forgive our debt-ors
Lead us not into temptation
but deliver us, unevil"

Grind Date fulfilled! Thank you Hip Hop!

How I feel... Defined by Lyrics Vol. 3, No. 6

just came back from playing wingman for a friend...

"I've got an eye out for she who cries out passionately
We'll do things backwardly, forwardly, horizontally
I'm too young to be settling down
quick to change my mind tomorrow" - Outkast

spent an hour in the club... I realized I ain't cut for this ish no more, felt out of place the whole night. Felt old and surpassed by events and trends... 28 yrs old...

"Now I'm feeling out of touch like I'm two steps behind" - Classified

I feel like settling down is the way to go...

"Critics and fans, they need to get a life
You doin' the right thing, settle down, get a wife now
I grew with you so you know you make me proud
And most of all you gotta live now" - Nas

but... lil' detail, I don't have the chick for it to happen...

"Mrs. So-Fly crash-lands in my room
Can't waste no time, she might leave soon
[...]
I wish this song would really come true
I admit I still fantasize about you" - Kanye West

In the mean time concentrating so much on work and getting blamed for it...

"I got plans,
I got a certain lust for life,
And as it stands,
Everything is going as right,
As it can,
They tryin' to shoot down my flight,
Before it lands" - Drake

I'm just being me and get blamed for it...

"Why they always looking at me, like there's something on my face man
No matter where I go, I'm always feeling out of place
And I know I'm not your regular I got a different taste
Probably 'cause most my life, spent right in my basement
I didn't watch the Super Bowl, don't drink alcohol
Don't carry I.D., don't go to the mall
I'm extra argumentative and really good at fast talk
I can't dance or sing but I can rap my ass off" - Eyedea

No... I can't rap my ass off...

New Music : 808s & Heartbreaks

Got that new Kanye on tuesday. Opened the package, which came with a poster of him in the extra medium suit lol, but it got deep when I turned the poster around as you see him standing next to his mother while giving her a kiss on the cheek... (moment of silence). I gotta admit I'm a bit puzzled by Kanye's new album, but I'm all ears. Been listening for 3 days now... Dude's been hurt, something fierce. I've been there at some point(s) in my life so I'm feeling what he's singing about... though in a way I kinda wish I never knew what it felt like. For sure, this Kanye album is not for everybody, because it's either you relate or you don't. Those who don't relate are either too young or the "still lucky, for the moment, people" that never had to endure a broken heart, the pain, the loss or simply that "one" (out of many) paranoid girlfriend that goes through ur call list on ur cellphone everytime u got ur back turned.

As you get deeper into this album, you realize this is also the story of a guy who from the outside seems to have it "all", but explains to us his dilemna : "my friend showed me pictures of his kids, and all I could show him was pictures of my cribs"... Luther done told us a house is not a Home.

This said, say you will tell everybody that you know how amazing this album is. This one goes out to those that have a broken heart and sends a message to the heartless. Start picking up the pieces and keep ur love locked down coz this could be the coldest winter yet. Spread the bad news but don't be paranoid it's not like Robocop is hiding under broken street lights waiting to get you like I see in my nightmares. True story, don't u dare call me Pinocchio. Welcome to Heartbreak! (well this was a failed attempt at putting all the song titles into coherent phrases... bleh)

Right now I got the first track on repeat ('Say You Will'), I'm a music fiend.

"moments passing in front of me [...] I know my destination, but I'm just not there" - Kanye West

They threw a party for me!!!

June 17th... More than a month after my birthday, friends & family threw a surprise party for me. That was the Illest thing they could have done for me coz they really caught me good. No joke. Look on my face was priceless from what they say. It's one thing to know ur loved by some. But it's another when you get proof of that love when you never asked for it coz you never doubted it for one second. I'll remember this for the rest of my life. Wish you could be there.

"I think we at a all-time high
To get there, we run, we fly, we drive
Cause with my family we know we're home
And so instead of sendin flowers, we the roses" - Kanye West

"But if I fall asleep and death takes me away
Don't be surprised son, I wasn't put here to stay
At night the evil armies of Shaton don't play
So the family sticks together and we never betray" - Fugees