How I feel... Defined by Lyrics Vol. 3, No. 11

Today I learned Fido deleted all my saved voicemail messages... They said they couldn't do anything about it.

Two of these messages were from my cousin Vicky, one telling me to wake up, the other wishing me happy birthday... I'm in tears (RIP Vicky)...

Here is another regret to add to the already long list... I should have recorded those messages...

I'm sorry cousin...

How I feel... Defined by Lyrics Vol. 3, No. 10

I always take time to think about the past, but sometimes it's not volontarily. One word, sound, taste or smell can trigger a memory, good or bad.

This was the case today with the video added below. As I was watching MuchVibe it came up and just blew me away. Brought me back to the days where I was depressed outta my mind... sad times, but happy I overcame them. I just know that if you relate to this song, you should seek help ASAP, whether it be talking to a friend, a family member, a professional therapist or a suicide/depression hotline. The deeper you fall into it, the harder it is to get out of it. Let's all rise!

Mood music, take a look :



Keep your chin up!
Peace!

How I feel... Defined by Lyrics Vol. 3, No. 3

hmm... I had to be reminded on 3 occasions that my birthday was coming... I usually react that way when I am not interested in something... I just don't keep it in memory. Well I had no intention on partying or anything, just turned 28, I done celebrated all I had to celebrate so far in my life. Next step should be getting my house and hopefully the girl I will spend the rest of my life with (yes, in that particular order). But with all that happened to me with my past relationships, I have no trust in women and finding it pretty hard to approach anyone that I remotely like.

Something else I gotta work on I guess...

"The girl he wants don't seem to want him too
It seems the feelings that she had are through, through
[...]
He seems alive, though he is feelin blue.
The sun is shinnin man he’s super cool, cool.
[...]
He's all alone, some things will never change
The lonely loner seem to free his mind at night, ah-ah, at nite" - Kid Cudi

How I feel... Defined by Lyrics Vol. 2, No. 9

"Yesterday was better off, didn't even know it" - Joe Budden

Yesterday I found a card that my godfather had sent me for christmas. It brought back some sweet memories... My greatest fear has always been to forget and as I get older... 27... er yeah... I tend to reminisce a lot on the past these days. Flashbacks are starting to ressurface at the oddest moments. Smells, words, songs, colours, voices just seem to trigger it all and then I zone out...

"Wow, I need a moment y'all
See I almost felt a tear drop" - Nas

I'm starting to think it can't be healthy for me to live in the past, but how do I embrace it without being obsessed with it... I'm a fiend, everything I like, I end up doing in excess... That's why I knew better than to try drugs... yeah I know, people still have a hard time believing that I never even had a puff before... in this day and age...

"Yesterday belongs to the dead
Tomorrow belongs to the living
The past is certified as a finished product
Anything which has ended is finished
That which is perfect is finished" - Madlib

Maybe that's it... Maybe I was born in the wrong age, maybe that's why I often feel like I don't always fit here... now. Maybe it would explain that I sometimes feel out of sync with most people my age... or maybe it's just me...

"I ask myself what does it mean if you are different
but I am the answer" - Charles Hamilton

I guess I will have to find a just balance between past, present and future...
Keeping the wisdom & memories of the past, living in the present & planning and looking forward to my future... now if I could just get that living in the present part to work out...

"memories dont live like people do
They always 'member you
Whether things are good or bad
Its just the memories that you have
The beenie man a sing (say hey)
Boy stop live down inna de past
Just member when man a ride 'orse
Now yuh dead that mean yuh soul lost" - Beenie Man

Well one day, as I was thinking of the past and the influential people in my life that passed away, I wasted a part of my present, at the time, to make this little bootleg montage...

Hope you can find the time to put a comment...

Fade to 'T.R.O.Y.' by Pete Rock & CL Smooth....