How I feel... Defined by Lyrics Vol. 5, No. 3

All I do is give and peeps take. I got all I need but nothing I really want. Am I being greedy when I should just be happy?

Maybe I'm just ranting coz I didn't get a single Christmas present this year (that is till my parents hook me up with a lil something when they get back in town...). It shouldn't matter, but I think it kind of hurts deep inside.

"I put my problems in box beside my tightest rhymes
On a lock and key, buried deep of in my mind
And when it gets too full, and I can't close the lid
I spaz on my family and my closest friends
Trade my materials for a peace of mind
Im so close to Heaven, Hell I need some time" - Big K.R.I.T.

I feel like I take alot for granted though others say I'm very thoughtful...

"I'm a fucking walking paradox, no I'm not" - Tyler The Creator

Am I just undermining myself? Over thinking? Feel like this year as been all about work and no play (unless it's family, I'll take time off for the folks that are loyal to me).

"No life, no marriage, no kids... No problem!?!" - Jimmy McNulty 'The Wire'
=D
"Boooy you need something outside of this here [...] A life Jimmy! You know what that is? It's the shit that happens while you're waiting for moments that never come" - Lester Freamon 'The Wire'
:'(

I need a life...

Happy Holidays!

How I feel... Defined by Lyrics Vol. 3, No. 12

Sometimes... if not most times, I feel this way :



My intentions are good, please try to understand me...

How I feel... Defined by Lyrics Vol. 3, No. 8

"You’re the first thing I would choose,
but the last thing I need.
Girl I’m stuck on you,
it’s so hard to set me free.
You’re the first thing I would choose,
but the last thing I need.
You’re a liar." - Madcon

I watched these videos (below) and it made me think about my past relationships... Made me realize that I have had good moments(still all overshadowed by the worst moments!), but no great relationships. In all of them I have either been cheated (on), lied to and/or taken adventage of... but they all said that I was a great guy at some point... One even went to the extent of lying about her life just to make herself sound more interesting to me... I fell for it... hmmmm...

"You was cheatin' (yes you was), caught you creepin' (yes I did)
To the window, to the wall, skeet-skeetin' (you triflin' hoe)" - Percy Miracles (aka Phonte)

Might as well laugh about it...

Part 1



Part 2



It feels weird sometimes when you fully understand how someone feels when u watch television, especially when it's not comedy or someone expressing views on subjects like politics... but when u watch someone and simply understand the raw feelings without having them verbally expressing it.

That's what u get when you're a sucka 4 love!

"Don't it seem like shit be cool for a month and a half
All of a sudden you frontin' and showin your ass
Complainin' bout what you got
Shorty look what you had
Before me, it was pull-out couches and Bilitant bags
Now she mad cause she ain't got a T.V. in her Jag
I tell you what if that ain't good enough get back on the bus
Give up the princess cuts and the Prada and stuff
I take you out to eat and you order a bottle of what?
Ungrateful wonderin' why I'm not faithful
Ballin's all good but this shit is just wasteful
Want me to pay your bills
Help you get a bigger crib
Shorty I don't mind helpin'
But show some initiative
Ain't brought nothin' to the table but hard times and heartache
Do something, get on the grind for God's sake
A reminder, rewind this message from your highness
For those that chose to take my kindness for blindness" - T.I.

Damn she's ungrateful

How I feel... Defined by Lyrics Vol. 3, No. 7

"And foreva be in debt, that's neva a good thing" - Jay-Z

BIG FAT ZERO!

Holla at ya boy! After 5 years of strugglin', crumblin' under debt (35K$ not counting interest payed throughout the years) imposed on me by these leeches, bitches & so-called family members, drowning in the depth of my darkest thoughts, I am now OFFICIALLY DEBT-FREE.

"I was a dick who got jerked by Tom and his boys
came on my land, seized my cattle, and catalog
as if it wouldn't leave me less than coy
but I'm far from bitter even farther from quittin'
got a grind date to make, no time for sittin'" - De La Soul

Made the last payments today and now this brotha got big zeros on his credit card and credit margin!

"When I woke up, my debt went down
My locks broke up, my rent went down
My stocks went up, my car sped up
My pockets swell up, my life I found
I'm not so fed up it's time to get up
A clear mind switched my life around
Now I can see where the help is at
The health love awareness and wealth is at
Cause I woke up..." - KRS-One

I learned my lesson, no more shall I fall for the "my credit was so pathetic I couldn't afford a debit" lines from anybody. It's all about me now and forever more.

"Give us this day, our daily bread
As we give up our debts
As we forgive our debt-ors
Lead us not into temptation
but deliver us, unevil"

Grind Date fulfilled! Thank you Hip Hop!

How I feel... Defined by Lyrics Vol. 3, No. 6

just came back from playing wingman for a friend...

"I've got an eye out for she who cries out passionately
We'll do things backwardly, forwardly, horizontally
I'm too young to be settling down
quick to change my mind tomorrow" - Outkast

spent an hour in the club... I realized I ain't cut for this ish no more, felt out of place the whole night. Felt old and surpassed by events and trends... 28 yrs old...

"Now I'm feeling out of touch like I'm two steps behind" - Classified

I feel like settling down is the way to go...

"Critics and fans, they need to get a life
You doin' the right thing, settle down, get a wife now
I grew with you so you know you make me proud
And most of all you gotta live now" - Nas

but... lil' detail, I don't have the chick for it to happen...

"Mrs. So-Fly crash-lands in my room
Can't waste no time, she might leave soon
[...]
I wish this song would really come true
I admit I still fantasize about you" - Kanye West

In the mean time concentrating so much on work and getting blamed for it...

"I got plans,
I got a certain lust for life,
And as it stands,
Everything is going as right,
As it can,
They tryin' to shoot down my flight,
Before it lands" - Drake

I'm just being me and get blamed for it...

"Why they always looking at me, like there's something on my face man
No matter where I go, I'm always feeling out of place
And I know I'm not your regular I got a different taste
Probably 'cause most my life, spent right in my basement
I didn't watch the Super Bowl, don't drink alcohol
Don't carry I.D., don't go to the mall
I'm extra argumentative and really good at fast talk
I can't dance or sing but I can rap my ass off" - Eyedea

No... I can't rap my ass off...

How I feel... Defined by Lyrics Vol. 3, No. 5

"Take a picture, cherish it, I'm God's Son, inherence it" - Nas

Yup, I got it and ready to shoot!!!

How I feel... Defined by Lyrics Vol. 3, No. 4

ah don't sleep much these days, bad habits coming back...

"The night is on my mind
The sun'll still shine
But now the night is on my mind, the night is on the mind
The night is on your mind
A yo, the sun'll still shine
But now the night is on the mind
As for me...

I'm a nocturnal animal, God concentrates" - Q-Tip

How I feel... Defined by Lyrics Vol. 3, No. 2 Redux

"Lord help me out
save my soul need to find a new route
[...]
label me what you like
I'm close to my victory
dosed in the fight
when I open my eyes somehow see at night
beyond trying to see what being rich feel like.
6 figure check for my mom for peace
everybody wanna stick on me like leech
take my blood, give fake love
till I turn em down
I'm the one who changed bruh
ask why I don't call
coz when I was starving you wasn't at all
around. now I gotta shut shit down
Be a man pick friends so selective now
You're cool, You're cool, Fuck you
And to the bitch that *scratch* oh yeah fuck you too
Tried to shine now everyone knows
Yeah Kudi slipped up and loved them hoes
we all make mistakes yes,
no worries I just kill a bitch with success
[...]
No bitch on arm
just my words and my stoner charm
and my dimple's deep
I smile at peeps
coz I went out and got what most y'all seek
[...]
God walks with me but I'm still vexed"

This song pretty much describes how I felt writing a previous post and still feel at this moment ( How I feel... Defined by Lyrics Vol. 3, No. 2).



Things have been at all time lows in my life in the past 5 years (which explains the title of my blog, couldn't fall any lower so could only fall UP from then on... just in case you didn't get it).

Some people liked me better when I was down there.

How I feel... Defined by Lyrics Vol. 3, No. 3

hmm... I had to be reminded on 3 occasions that my birthday was coming... I usually react that way when I am not interested in something... I just don't keep it in memory. Well I had no intention on partying or anything, just turned 28, I done celebrated all I had to celebrate so far in my life. Next step should be getting my house and hopefully the girl I will spend the rest of my life with (yes, in that particular order). But with all that happened to me with my past relationships, I have no trust in women and finding it pretty hard to approach anyone that I remotely like.

Something else I gotta work on I guess...

"The girl he wants don't seem to want him too
It seems the feelings that she had are through, through
[...]
He seems alive, though he is feelin blue.
The sun is shinnin man he’s super cool, cool.
[...]
He's all alone, some things will never change
The lonely loner seem to free his mind at night, ah-ah, at nite" - Kid Cudi

Makings of the "Perfect Chick"... Defined by Lyrics

You know those chats we have sometimes when we talk about which chick we would rather be with (TLC & Destiny's Child had our imaginations flowing). Ghostface Killah had a whole skit on his Supreme Clientele album going back and forth with his crew (Kim or Fox, Eve or Da Brat, Missy or Bahamadia, Naomi or Tyra, Nia or Halle...lol funny as hell).

Knowing I might not get a chance to hook up with Halle or Alicia Keys and ask her to marry me (unless I get passed security when she comes here in June), here is my list of lyrics that make up the perfect chick.

She has to be real :

"Its been a while, I can't front like I ain't phased
She was my reality check, cuz we the same age
I mean she put on a show that you CAN'T stage
She made the shit sound effortless" - Joe Budden

be naturally sexy :

"I'm the type of guy that notice subtle signs
When I cuddle mine, she ain't even tryin
To look sexy, but even if she was so what" - Outkast

She has to be able to generate her own cash coz u know how it is "You can have anything in this world except CREAM" lol :

"I-n-d-e-p-e-n-d-e-n-t do you know what that mean
She got to her own house
She got her own car
Two jobs work hard you a bad broad
If you aint on sit down" - Webbie (yeah that ugly mofo... but this hook describes what I mean)

A nice complexion, but color ain't an issue as long as she doesn't have an issue with it (even Captain Kirk bagged a nice green skinned chick!) :

"French-vanilla, butter-pecan, chocolate-deluxe
Even caramel sundaes is gettin touched
And scooped in my ice cream truck, Wu tears it up" - Method Man

"I don't discriminate, I regulate every shade of the a$$" - Big Pun

a bit of self-sacrifice in her loyalty :

"And if the rain stops
And everything's dry
She would cry
Just so I can drink the tears from her eyes" - Lupe Fiasco

(To be updated...)