How I feel... Defined by Lyrics Vol. 5, No. 3

All I do is give and peeps take. I got all I need but nothing I really want. Am I being greedy when I should just be happy?

Maybe I'm just ranting coz I didn't get a single Christmas present this year (that is till my parents hook me up with a lil something when they get back in town...). It shouldn't matter, but I think it kind of hurts deep inside.

"I put my problems in box beside my tightest rhymes
On a lock and key, buried deep of in my mind
And when it gets too full, and I can't close the lid
I spaz on my family and my closest friends
Trade my materials for a peace of mind
Im so close to Heaven, Hell I need some time" - Big K.R.I.T.

I feel like I take alot for granted though others say I'm very thoughtful...

"I'm a fucking walking paradox, no I'm not" - Tyler The Creator

Am I just undermining myself? Over thinking? Feel like this year as been all about work and no play (unless it's family, I'll take time off for the folks that are loyal to me).

"No life, no marriage, no kids... No problem!?!" - Jimmy McNulty 'The Wire'
=D
"Boooy you need something outside of this here [...] A life Jimmy! You know what that is? It's the shit that happens while you're waiting for moments that never come" - Lester Freamon 'The Wire'
:'(

I need a life...

Happy Holidays!

How I feel... Defined by Lyrics Vol. 5, No. 2

Met a girl...

"Developing a name, creepin to fame
She quick to trade her vagina for a seat at the game
And its so foul she don’t see the shame
In the act or the fact that she view it as an equal exchange
She stay with the newest on, louis vuitton
Buying groceries with coupons, sleeping on a futon
No self-esteem to cover her lack of confidence
She get on twitter retweetin’ all the compliments
Pretty face, nice strut with a nice butt
Disguise of a slut only tryin to get wifed up
But when its party time she won’t be a second late
Once she leaves V.I.P. its back home to section eight
What confused me
Is niggas tried to kick it, but she come across bougie
In her best friends jewelry, part-time mother
But something real shady when her 2 year old daughter
Much closer to the babysitter
Cry when she alone, product of a broke down home
Won’t change cause she already grown
Already set in her ways no need in tryin to help
Cause she rather find wealth before she can find herself" - Joe Budden

Though she doesn't fit the profile 100%, this song most def opened my eyes as to who she might be... Now tell me why I went and still fell in love... And I can't get her out of my mind...

Though we never actually got past a friendship

"bumpin Ludacris, 'Child Of The Night' was well put
why is everything so BAD for me FEEL so GOOOOODDDD" - Joe Budden

How I feel... Defined by Lyrics Vol. 5, No. 1.5

My dad is fine...
"VICTORY!!!!" - Johnny Drama

How I feel... Defined by Lyrics Vol. 5, No. 1

Happy belated New Year!

The one that passed was a good one for me in terms of people I met, dealing with the family and finally moving out into my own spot... The joys of falling up!

"dream bout that crib with the Goodyear swing
on the oak tree, I hope we feel like this forever
Forever, forever, ever, forever, ever?" - Outkast

But this year starts on a bad note as my father came up to me and told me 2 days ago that after getting an x-ray, his doctor stated it might be a tumor...

"you play whatever cards he deal no matter how peculiar
they tell me that its God's will, I'm asking God 'will ya?'" - J. Cole

I froze... Now it's not confirmed yet, but let's just say I spent 2 days seriously out of it... Not mentioning it to anybody else, keeping this pain and fear inside. I tried my best to replace it with prayers and hope, but it's hard. I always think too much... seeing different scenarios in my mind, visualizing my reactions, the outcomes, re-evaluating life in general.

"I say my prayers cause this life ain't fair" - J. Cole

We won't get news until Tuesday when my father has to go for an MRI to confirm whether or not it is a fact a tumor.

"yea, lets see God
I know you only do whats best for me
but is it cool if we negotiate my destiny" - Omen

I'm trying to stay focused until then this is how I feel :



5 days to go...

How I feel... Defined by Lyrics Vol. 4, No. 1

This whole song describes how I feel :

"Trapped, no shield, no sword
The unbeaten path got my soul so sore
Allured by the lust, something money can't cure
The Devil want me as is, but God he want more
Eyes closed, eyes open, great another day, here we go
like a nigga woke up late in The Truman Show"

I walk alone!

In the words of Clay Davis... Shhheeeeiiiiiiiitttttttttt! (The Wire reference... if you've never seen the show before... you will die an unhappy death :))

Quotes Vol. 3, No 1

First post of the year... almost 8 months deep already...

Well I'm officially a homeowner, 1200 sq ft of empty space though all to my lonely self

emptiness surrounding me...

"Existing where there is nothing is the meaning of the phrase 'form is emptiness'. That all things are provided by nothingness is the meaning of the phrase 'emptiness is form'. One should not think that these are two separate things." - Hagakure

Don't get me wrong I'm happy of my accomplishment, but damn it's lonely.

Training Progress Vol. 2 No. 001

This is my 3rd, 4th, or 8th attempt at getting fit lol.

But this time around, I have P90X to help me get fit. Plus my cousin did it and actually got results, now it's time for me to get back on track!

I'm already on Day 3 of my work out... that's 87 days to go... O_o

Day 1 was Chest and Back which was cool but still hard and to that add the Ab Ripper X which was harder (especially when you can't keep up lol), but I was good.

Day 2 was Plyometrics... lets just say this 1hr work out took me just about 2 hours lol. Went to sleep and I woke up 13 hours later... Horton did say this was the 'X' in P90X!

Day 3 was alot better, achieved what I was aiming for with the Shoulders and Arms + another round of Ab Ripper X (I still can't keep up but I feel the burn lol).

I'm gonna stick to it this time!

Keep fit and have fun!