How I feel... Defined by Lyrics Vol. 5, No. 3

All I do is give and peeps take. I got all I need but nothing I really want. Am I being greedy when I should just be happy?

Maybe I'm just ranting coz I didn't get a single Christmas present this year (that is till my parents hook me up with a lil something when they get back in town...). It shouldn't matter, but I think it kind of hurts deep inside.

"I put my problems in box beside my tightest rhymes
On a lock and key, buried deep of in my mind
And when it gets too full, and I can't close the lid
I spaz on my family and my closest friends
Trade my materials for a peace of mind
Im so close to Heaven, Hell I need some time" - Big K.R.I.T.

I feel like I take alot for granted though others say I'm very thoughtful...

"I'm a fucking walking paradox, no I'm not" - Tyler The Creator

Am I just undermining myself? Over thinking? Feel like this year as been all about work and no play (unless it's family, I'll take time off for the folks that are loyal to me).

"No life, no marriage, no kids... No problem!?!" - Jimmy McNulty 'The Wire'
=D
"Boooy you need something outside of this here [...] A life Jimmy! You know what that is? It's the shit that happens while you're waiting for moments that never come" - Lester Freamon 'The Wire'
:'(

I need a life...

Happy Holidays!

How I feel... Defined by Lyrics Vol. 5, No. 2

Met a girl...

"Developing a name, creepin to fame
She quick to trade her vagina for a seat at the game
And its so foul she don’t see the shame
In the act or the fact that she view it as an equal exchange
She stay with the newest on, louis vuitton
Buying groceries with coupons, sleeping on a futon
No self-esteem to cover her lack of confidence
She get on twitter retweetin’ all the compliments
Pretty face, nice strut with a nice butt
Disguise of a slut only tryin to get wifed up
But when its party time she won’t be a second late
Once she leaves V.I.P. its back home to section eight
What confused me
Is niggas tried to kick it, but she come across bougie
In her best friends jewelry, part-time mother
But something real shady when her 2 year old daughter
Much closer to the babysitter
Cry when she alone, product of a broke down home
Won’t change cause she already grown
Already set in her ways no need in tryin to help
Cause she rather find wealth before she can find herself" - Joe Budden

Though she doesn't fit the profile 100%, this song most def opened my eyes as to who she might be... Now tell me why I went and still fell in love... And I can't get her out of my mind...

Though we never actually got past a friendship

"bumpin Ludacris, 'Child Of The Night' was well put
why is everything so BAD for me FEEL so GOOOOODDDD" - Joe Budden

How I feel... Defined by Lyrics Vol. 5, No. 1.5

My dad is fine...
"VICTORY!!!!" - Johnny Drama

How I feel... Defined by Lyrics Vol. 5, No. 1

Happy belated New Year!

The one that passed was a good one for me in terms of people I met, dealing with the family and finally moving out into my own spot... The joys of falling up!

"dream bout that crib with the Goodyear swing
on the oak tree, I hope we feel like this forever
Forever, forever, ever, forever, ever?" - Outkast

But this year starts on a bad note as my father came up to me and told me 2 days ago that after getting an x-ray, his doctor stated it might be a tumor...

"you play whatever cards he deal no matter how peculiar
they tell me that its God's will, I'm asking God 'will ya?'" - J. Cole

I froze... Now it's not confirmed yet, but let's just say I spent 2 days seriously out of it... Not mentioning it to anybody else, keeping this pain and fear inside. I tried my best to replace it with prayers and hope, but it's hard. I always think too much... seeing different scenarios in my mind, visualizing my reactions, the outcomes, re-evaluating life in general.

"I say my prayers cause this life ain't fair" - J. Cole

We won't get news until Tuesday when my father has to go for an MRI to confirm whether or not it is a fact a tumor.

"yea, lets see God
I know you only do whats best for me
but is it cool if we negotiate my destiny" - Omen

I'm trying to stay focused until then this is how I feel :



5 days to go...