How I feel... Defined by Lyrics Vol. 1, No. 2

Friendship???

Ever had someone you felt was like a sibling turn their back on you.

Act like they don't know you when they see you. Stopped hollering at you. Someone who's back you had when they were short a dollar(s) without expecting to get the money back just coz you knew it wasn't an issue. As soon as they were back on their "feet" (or felt that they were) they just vanish from your entourage, act differently, seem indifferent when you actually get a chance to talk to them. All this making you feel their ungratefulness for all you ever did for them?
Damn... I didn't make you what you are. I didn't bring you up in this world. I especially don't think ur better coz you know me. Never said I had to be ur only friend. Must have been all that talking I was doing... sorry, twas only coz I cared too much when I thought I saw you going down a wrong path... Maybe it fits you. Money wasn't an issue til u made it an issue. Live ur life and live it well, the way u want to live it.

Hey no hard feelings... u know how the saying goes - Born alone, Die alone.

Damn... I don't know if this is real yet, but until I find out, this is how I feel (how 16 yrs plus goes down the drain).


"Yo...I'm seeing a couple things wrong with the way that I'm living
So come and walk with me I just need a second opinion
Introduce you to my friends I got to see if you notice
If they loyal or if they all got an ulterior motive"

-Joe Budden ('Walk With Me')


"*Friends
How many of us have them?
Friends
Ones we can depend on
Friends
How many of us have them?
Friends
Before we go any further, lets be
Friends*

Is a word we use everyday
Most the time we use it in the wrong way
Now you can look the word up, again and again
But the dictionary doesnt know the meaning of friends

And if you ask me, you know, I couldnt be much help
Because A friend is somebody you judge for yourself
Some are ok, and they treat you real cool
But some mistake kindness for bein a fool

We like to be with some, because they're funny
Others come around when they need some money
Some you grew up with, around the way
And you're still real close too this very day

Homeboys through the Summer, Winter, Spring and Fall
And then there's some we wish we never knew at all
And this list goes on, again and again
But these are the people that we call friends"

-Whodini ('Friends')


"Seasons Change, mad things rearrange"
-Lauryn Hill ('How Many Mics')


"If money makes a man strange -- we gots to rearrange
So what makes the world go round"

-De La Soul ('Itzsoweezee')


"The 'Bridge touched me up severely hear me?
So when I rhyme it's sincerely yours
Be lightin L's sippin Coors, on all floors in project halls
Contemplatin war n!ggaz I was cool with before
We used to score together, Uptown coppin the raw
But uhh, a thug changes, and love changes
and best friends become strangers, word up"

-Nas ('The Message')


"Enemies close coz friends switch sides when shit gets live
Dealin' with a lot of pressure I'm in too deep"

-Nas ('In Too Deep')

Done shaking my head. Let's all move on!

Peace and best wishes!

How I feel... Defined by Lyrics Vol. 1, No. 1

This song says how I feel every morning on my way to work! Wasn't a single, but it is a classic track.




Fugees - 'The Mask'

"Have you ever worn the mask? one-two one-two

[CHORUS]
M to the A to the S to the K
Put the mask upon the face just to make the next day,
Feds be hawkin me
Jokers be stalking me,
I walk the streets and camouflage my identity,
My posse in the Brooklyn wear the mask.
My crew in the Jersey wear the mask.
Stick up kids doing boogie woogie wear the mask.
Yeah everybody wear da mask but how long will it last.

[CLEF]
I used to work at Burger King. A king taking orders.
Punching my clock. Now I'm wanted by the manager.
Soupin me up sayin "Your a good worker,"
"How would you like a quarter raise, move up the register"
"Large in charge, but cha gotta be my spy,
Come back and tell me who's baggin my fries,
Getting high on company time."
Hell no sirree, wrong M.C.
Why should I be a spy, when you spying me,
And you see whatcha thought ya saw but never seen.
Ya missed ya last move, Checkmate! Crown me King,
Hold my 22 pistol whipped him in his face.
Hired now I'm fired, sold bud now I'm wired,
Eyes pitch red but da beat bop my head
Hit the streets for relief, I bumped into the Feds,
I got kidnapped they took me to D.C.,
Have me working underground building missiles for World War III.

[CHORUS]
M to the A to the S to the K,
Put the mask up on the face just to make the next day.
Brothers be gaming, Ladies be claiming.
I walk the streets and camouflage my identity.
My posse Uptown wear the mask.
My crew in the Queens wear the mask.
Stick up kids with the Tommy Hil wear the mask.
Yeah everbody wear the mask but how long will it last.

[LAURYN]
I thought he was the wonder, and I was stunned by his lips,
Taking sips sipping Amaretto sour with a twist,
Shook my hips to the bass line, this joker grabbed my waistline,
Putting pressure on my spine trying to get L-Boog to wind,
I backed up off him then caught him with five finger to his face,
I had to put him in his place,
This kids invading my space,
But then I recognized the smile, but I couldn't place the style,
So many fronts in his mouth, I thought he was the Golden Child,
Then it hit me that's Tariq from off the street around Grams.
I haven't seeen him since fifteen, when he got booked for doing scams.
I tried to walk away but he wouldn't let me leave,
He ran up quick behind me asking, "Yo what happened to my nigga Steve?"
Steve was like this kid I went with back in Grammar School.
I chuckled knucklehead I seen him yesterday he's cool,
He's busted, "so who you checking for now?"
Probably some intellectual.
I kept the conversation straight and he kept trying to make it sexual.
Then his old lady tried to play me waved her hands up in my face,
Yo I told her check your man cause Bitch you acting out of place.

[CHORUS]
M to the A to the S to the K,
Put the mask up on the face just to make the next day.
Brothers be gaming, Ladies be claiming.
I walk the streets and camouflage my identity.
My posse Uptown wear the mask.
My crew in the Queens wear the mask.
Stick up kids with the Tommy Hil wear the mask.
Yeah everbody wear the mask but how long will it last.

[PRAZ]
3 A.M. in the morning on the Boulevard,
I'm still at large engaged with my entourage,
Me and Godfather and a 67 Dodge.
I stepped out the note to post up my guard
Searching for my car that was stolen from Scotland Yard.
My first instinct was to check the chop shop garage.
As I rung the bell someone tapped me on my back,
I turned around to look it was a rookie in a mask.
He said, "I got a itchin' on my trigger,
Don't move nigga I'm taking you for murder."
See cops got two faces like two laces on my Reeboks.
My knees knock as I step back for a clear shot,
(Well did you shoot him?) Naw kid I didn't have the balls,
That's when I realized I'm pumpin'too much Biggie Smalls.

[CHORUS]
M to the A to the S to the K,
Put the mask up on the face just to make the next day.
Brothers be gaming, Ladies be claiming.
I walk the streets and camouflage my identity.
My posse Uptown wear the mask.
My crew in the Queens wear the mask.
Stick up kids with the Tommy Hil wear the mask.
Yeah everbody wear the mask but how long will it last."

Hold me down... Some more

"Revenge is a dish best served cold"

Question: Is revenge ever the answer? Is it ever justified? It sure sounds sweet... but what kind of satisfaction would I get from it. Would I be satisfied or fiending for more. Would the remorse, if ever there were any, be overwhelming? How many shoves must one take before reaching the center of his rage? Should I stand and watch, waiting for karma to do it's work or swing my sword at whoever I think deserves a good ol' decapitation.

Hold Me Down some more... It's almost over... Isn't it?

Answer?:
Revenge?
"My heart is racin, tastin revenge in the air I let the shit slide for too many years, too many times
Now I'm strapped with a couple of macs, too many nines
If y'all n****z really wit me get busy load up the semis
Do more than just hold it explode the clip until you empty
There's nothin in our way - they bust, we bust, they rust, we rust

Led flyin, feel it? I feel it in my gut" - Nas

"I ain't a killer but don't push me
Revenge is like the sweetest joy next to gettin pussy
Picture paragraphs unloaded, wise words bein quoted
Peeped the weakness in the rap game and sewed it
Bow down, pray to God hoping that he's listenin
Seein n****z comin for me, to my diamonds, when they glistenin" - Makaveli

or Resilience?

"Patiently meditate, I sense your aura in my presence
Killed so savagely, still there's beauty in your essence (I can feel you) you weren't the last, just the first in a succession
Of the many fallen angels I have known, confession
The pain never goes away, it only lessens
The questions never stop, just learn to live in the present
Resilient I got to be so the next breath don't break me
At peace within myself, so no regrets if they should take me" - Mystic

... Whatever the outcome, still gotta ask the Lord for forgiveness...

"And if you feel in my heart that I long for revenge
Please blame it on the son of the mornin', thanks again" - Jay-Z

Bonne Année a tous et toutes... En Retard... Je vous souhaite le plus grand bonheur, la santé, l'amour et la paix. Sans oublier la dollarité...

Happy New Year to all... Late... Wishing you all a year filled with Health, Love, Peace & Happyness. Without forgetting them Dolla Dolla Bills y'all!

Feliz Ano Nuevo... Tarde... Les deseo a todos y todas un ano lleno de Salude, Amor, Paz y Felicidad. Sin olvidar al dinero...

No real resolution for me. Coz I know, for me, things can only get worse... according to my standards... I ain't sayin' I got the worst of lives and I try to thank God everyday for my many blessings, but I like to keep things realistic. Negativity will keep on surrounding me as long as I don't cut certain things and/or people from my entourage. I Sincerely Wish u all the best for 2007!! Peace!

"[...]it's a new year I got a new change of gear,
I swear I can see clear now the clouds disappeared
You forgive but never forget, so the past reappears, uh huh" - Wyclef Jean

"It's up to you to look inside yourself, see what's yours
Consecutive times, New Year's Eve, light off nines in the skylines
Imaginary graves, poor the Henney on it
Share with my dogs who's here, cuz there's so many gone" - Nas

Time will tell... Only time can tell... Pt. 2

Something happens when you lose someone you love.
Then, things don't happen anymore because you lost them...

My cousin would have turned 26 today. I won't be able to call him and wish him a happy birthday on the 21st like I used to... for some reason always 3 days late. Won't have anymore 3hr conversations with him about how he thought 2Pac still ruled the hip hop world, while I was building cases for some of my favorite rappers alive. No more talking about break beats I had heard he could probably have sampled to complete the vibe of his latest verse he read out loud. No more discussing movies we just saw and how we would make them a whole lot better by changing the script, actors, location, etc...

No more uplifting each other to act on concepts, ideas & projects that were sitting in the back of each other's minds to make them become reality. No more making him listen to music through my busted phone ("can you hear it now?").
No more sharing of childhood memories of when we were snot-nose kids running around in the backyard or in the park from sun up to sun down. And a whole lot more.
26 yrs old... So much taken away... I wanted to share stories with his kids about how we had it good when we were young. I wanted him to show my kids how to pop & lock, be quickwitted and talk slick. I wonder if... he looks down at us... what is he thinking... will I ever know... He believed in me. And I believed in him. Happy Birthday Vicky! Hope ur celebrating up there with Grandmanman, my godfather Zachary and all of them
RIP - George Veildersheen Labranche (1980-2006) aka Vicky

"When I die, I hope to be A better man than you thought I could be" - Motherlode

"Save a place in heaven 'til the next time we meet forever!" - Jay-Z

"Dear momma don't cry, your baby boy's doin good
Tell the homies I'm in heaven and they ain't got hoods
Seen a show with Marvin Gaye last night, it had me shook
Drinkin peppermint Schnapps, with Jackie Wilson, and Sam Cooke
Then some lady named Billie Holiday Sang
sittin there kickin it with Malcolm, 'til the day came Little LaTasha sho' grown
Tell the lady in the liquor that she's forgiven, so come home
Maybe in time you'll understand only God can save us
When Miles Davis cuttin lose with the band
Just think of all the people that you knew in the past that passed on, they in heaven, found peace at last
Picture a place that they exist, together
There has to be a place better than this, in heaven
So right before I sleep, dear God, what I'm askin
Remember this face, save me a place, in thug's mansion" - 2Pac

Thanks...

To all of you out there that have been giving me that moral support, though I might have played it cool and seemed unphased by it all here is a little musical dedication (Mae, Kola, Faya, Brotha Iman, Samir, Chris, Yanyan and all the very few out there that know what I'm really going through) : Bill Withers - 'Make A Smile For Me' 

That song represents my state of mind right about now. Don't get choked up now, lol! And on this note, here's that quote! 
Peace (in the deepest sense of the word!) 

"But even still a good samaritan is Z-Ro's way 
And with that Christian attitude I caught a homeboy case 
I done took too many blows, a punchin bag is how I feel 
The deep depression starts to set, sanity's outta here 
I start my mission tryin to find my fate CDC #4 in name 
I'm feelin oh-so-helpless in this place 
I want revenge it's heavy on my mind but ain't central 
Say don't fight evil with evil, try to relax and do yo' time 
I heard a voice say there wasn't no need in actin up 
Realized I wasn't at peace with God and had to patch it up 
Hopin that blessings fall out of the sky 
Z-Ro ain't never seen a man cry until it was his own eye" - Z-Ro

Time will tell... Only time can tell...

I guess one person was actually reading what I was writing.
One complaint... that's one more than I was expecting.

Well times have been rough. Living on the edge, went through a messed up relationship (too good to be true?), lost my cousin George (aka Vicky or aka Spiderman in the breakdancing circuit) on September 1st in Montreal (H-B Blvd). He was going to turn 26 in December. Hit and run, car with an Illinois license plate. Police ain't found shit claiming it's a suicide so I guessed they went and turned the page... "Open and Shut Case Johnson!".
F*ck Them, just one less n!gga to deal with I guess. A mother lost her only son, sisters a brother, we lost a beloved family member, and many others lost a great friend. God Forgives... I don't! F*ck all y'all... F*ck the police... F*ck the media... F*ck me for sounding this retarded... Hope to God nothing this bad happens to you or anybody out there.

"Yo...on The Amen, Corner I stood lookin at my former hood
Felt the spirit in the wind, knew my friend was gone for good
Threw dirt on the casket, the hurt, I couldn't mask it
Mixin down emotions, struggle I hadn't mastered
I choreograph seven steps to heaven
And hell, waiting to exhale and make the bread leavened" - Common

"You killed my man, you killed my man
And you sent him back
After this day, watch your hats
Slugs flying everywhere,
You could smell havoc in the air
You can never get the god, yeah" - Ghostface Killah

P.S.: now that you have him God.. please don't stop his ascencion.